In my experience, few bullies are sociopaths. There is actually a spectrum of bullies in that regard, only a few whom fit that category, and many of them suffer from the "I am special so the rules don't apply to me" complex, not really from being a sociopath.

Most of those who do it though are not that extreme. The majority have developed a complex, sophisticated denial mechanism  that allows them to hurt others, and be okay with it, reinforced by a story they tell themselves that justifies behaving this way. With little prodding, they feel deeply for what they are doing and easily reveal it - at least in the early stages of doing it.Being A Teen Today Is Insanely Stressful

Youth culture today is far more complex and high-pressured than it was when we were our kid's age. Most teens today have a sense of scarcity of resources and opportunities and their life feels like constant competition.

The school demands alone create more intellectual stress than most adults could easily manage as adults. The social pressures though, and the absurd standards that modern youth peer culture  sets for one another, are far worse than most parents truly understand.

Many teens live with a sense that they are perpetually just one wrong choice or comment away from failure or rejection. Beyond worrying about school failure ("you won't get into a  good college and thus your life is doomed" which is flawed thinking that is endlessly perpetuated by adults), their bigger fear comes in the form of worrying about being abandoned by the peer group, the modern equivalent of being kicked out of the tribe - especially because they spend the majority of their lives now in the tribe of their peers.

Consider this:• In 1950 youth between the ages of 12 to 18, spent 60 hours a week with adults and only 12 alone with peers.
• In 2010, this age group spends 60 hours a week in contact with peers, and less than 12 with adults.
• In "wired" homes in America, parents spend on average 4 minutes a day of uninterrupted time with their kids.

Today's kids are influenced mostly by machines (6 hours a day of screen time is the national average for today's teens), institutions (kids typically outnumber adults 24 to 1 in schools and spend 7 hours a day there 170 days a year) and countless hours a day being influenced by peers.

For many of them, being accepted by peer culture, having status in peer culture or proving themselves invincible to peer culture, becomes their highest concern and greatest source of stress.

The fear of being kicked out of the peer tribe that dominates their experience of the world, essentially equates at a deep psychological level, to certain-death. It’s no wonder it consumes so much of their time and energy.  (Have you ever heard your teen daughter say, "If any one finds out about this, I'll die?" In their inner world, it is not just a cliché.)

In a survival situation all morality goes out the window. We'd do almost anything to survive. If not, you'd die.

Many of these bullies have a story they are living that links back to this.•If they were abused themselves, • they bully others to maintain their own status and value• it is to establish their dominance •it is to demonstrate to the "in-crowd" that they are funny and ruthless

I can go on and on, but most causes of bullying behavior comes back to the same thing:They are doing it and are okay with doing it because it is what they feel they need to do to survive, in a stressful, competitive world.

Until this changes, there is little adults can do besides continue to run around and clean up the messes. All the training in the world on recognizing the signs of bullying won't stop bullies from bullying.

Today's kids need to have the power taken back  from popular culture, especially popular peer culture. The power these have over them trumps the power most parents have to influence their kids once they hit the middle school years.

This is not "just the way it is", nor is it indicative of a "normal stage of development". This is a modern creation, or perhaps better said, the pervasive by-product of the modern way of life that places so much emphasis on the things that matter least - and that demands parents be so consumed with things outside of home that they have little time or energy left to address what should be their primary concern: things going on inside their kids' lives.

It takes more than 4 minutes a day to raise kids to be morally and socially conscious people. It takes more than 12 hours a week of contact and attention from adults to influence kids to choose the values of mature adult culture over the values of popular adolescent culture.  It takes more than just parents teaching kids about right and wrong, for kids to adopt these same beliefs.

I've built my life's work on becoming one of these critically needed adults in the lives of youth during their adolescent years. I hear their stories, know their struggles and "get" how complex and pressure filled their lives are. .. and how much time, repetition and time and repetition it takes to help them internalize a secure self-directed value set that frees them from peer approval dependence.

They need many more people doing what I do, teaching them real life skills, helping them construct their beliefs and values independent of the negative influences of society, giving them the reassurance that they matter, their lives count and they will succeed if they choose to live a life of uncompromising commitment towards the things that really matter. .. and giving them the real life experiences now that prove to them that they already have what it takes, far more so than they realize. We all needed it at their age, today more than ever.
Jeffrey Leiken, MA (leiken.com)

In my experience, few bullies are sociopaths. There is actually a spectrum of bullies in that regard, only a few whom fit that category, and many of them suffer from the "I am special so the rules don't apply to me" complex, not really from being a sociopath.

Most of those who do it though are not that extreme. The majority have developed a complex, sophisticated denial mechanism  that allows them to hurt others, and be okay with it, reinforced by a story they tell themselves that justifies behaving this way. With little prodding, they feel deeply for what they are doing and easily reveal it - at least in the early stages of doing it.Being A Teen Today Is Insanely Stressful

Youth culture today is far more complex and high-pressured than it was when we were our kid's age. Most teens today have a sense of scarcity of resources and opportunities and their life feels like constant competition.

The school demands alone create more intellectual stress than most adults could easily manage as adults. The social pressures though, and the absurd standards that modern youth peer culture  sets for one another, are far worse than most parents truly understand.

Many teens live with a sense that they are perpetually just one wrong choice or comment away from failure or rejection. Beyond worrying about school failure ("you won't get into a  good college and thus your life is doomed" which is flawed thinking that is endlessly perpetuated by adults), their bigger fear comes in the form of worrying about being abandoned by the peer group, the modern equivalent of being kicked out of the tribe - especially because they spend the majority of their lives now in the tribe of their peers.

Consider this:• In 1950 youth between the ages of 12 to 18, spent 60 hours a week with adults and only 12 alone with peers.
• In 2010, this age group spends 60 hours a week in contact with peers, and less than 12 with adults.
• In "wired" homes in America, parents spend on average 4 minutes a day of uninterrupted time with their kids.

Today's kids are influenced mostly by machines (6 hours a day of screen time is the national average for today's teens), institutions (kids typically outnumber adults 24 to 1 in schools and spend 7 hours a day there 170 days a year) and countless hours a day being influenced by peers.

For many of them, being accepted by peer culture, having status in peer culture or proving themselves invincible to peer culture, becomes their highest concern and greatest source of stress.

The fear of being kicked out of the peer tribe that dominates their experience of the world, essentially equates at a deep psychological level, to certain-death. It’s no wonder it consumes so much of their time and energy.  (Have you ever heard your teen daughter say, "If any one finds out about this, I'll die?" In their inner world, it is not just a cliché.)

In a survival situation all morality goes out the window. We'd do almost anything to survive. If not, you'd die.

Many of these bullies have a story they are living that links back to this.•If they were abused themselves, • they bully others to maintain their own status and value• it is to establish their dominance •it is to demonstrate to the "in-crowd" that they are funny and ruthless

I can go on and on, but most causes of bullying behavior comes back to the same thing:They are doing it and are okay with doing it because it is what they feel they need to do to survive, in a stressful, competitive world.

Until this changes, there is little adults can do besides continue to run around and clean up the messes. All the training in the world on recognizing the signs of bullying won't stop bullies from bullying.

Today's kids need to have the power taken back  from popular culture, especially popular peer culture. The power these have over them trumps the power most parents have to influence their kids once they hit the middle school years.

This is not "just the way it is", nor is it indicative of a "normal stage of development". This is a modern creation, or perhaps better said, the pervasive by-product of the modern way of life that places so much emphasis on the things that matter least - and that demands parents be so consumed with things outside of home that they have little time or energy left to address what should be their primary concern: things going on inside their kids' lives.

It takes more than 4 minutes a day to raise kids to be morally and socially conscious people. It takes more than 12 hours a week of contact and attention from adults to influence kids to choose the values of mature adult culture over the values of popular adolescent culture.  It takes more than just parents teaching kids about right and wrong, for kids to adopt these same beliefs.

I've built my life's work on becoming one of these critically needed adults in the lives of youth during their adolescent years. I hear their stories, know their struggles and "get" how complex and pressure filled their lives are. .. and how much time, repetition and time and repetition it takes to help them internalize a secure self-directed value set that frees them from peer approval dependence.

They need many more people doing what I do, teaching them real life skills, helping them construct their beliefs and values independent of the negative influences of society, giving them the reassurance that they matter, their lives count and they will succeed if they choose to live a life of uncompromising commitment towards the things that really matter. .. and giving them the real life experiences now that prove to them that they already have what it takes, far more so than they realize. We all needed it at their age, today more than ever.
Jeffrey Leiken, MA (leiken.com)

Here is what Lexie had to say in her home town paper

"I totally saw it coming. It wasn't undeserved."
That's what Lexie Tomchek had to say after she was eliminated from competition in Week 5 of America's Next Top Model which aired last Wednesday. The Top Model hopefuls have been coached, received makeovers, and been photographed by some of the industry's most prestigious photographers in some of the most unusual settings—on a beach suspended in the air wearing bird costumes; on a moving conveyor belt while trying to strut, but mostly stumbling; and in a wrestling ring with masked hunky wrestlers playing a dominatrix, among a few other things.
But while the wild ride on reality TV is over, Lexie is looking forward to starting her career as a model. And she might just have a slight edge with a portfolio filled with professional photos from her TV days.
So, did she think she'd get this far along in the competition?
"I think once I got through casting week and into the house, everyone gets into the mindset that, wow, I can really win this thing," she said. "You kinda convince yourself that you're going to win."
She admits she had hoped to get a bit further on the show than she did, but said she's not disappointed.
"I think I made my mark," she said. "I'm happy with that."
Lexie showed a little moxie by getting into arguments with her nemesis Kacey, who remains in the competition, and by pulling a prank on the group by planting a note with silly makeovers for the girls as if that's what the show had planned.
But she said was happy with the way she came across, since some of the girls get little air time.
"I like the way I was edited and shown," Lexie said. "Pretty memorable, which was nice. It's better than going through the whole experience and never seeing yourself."
Regarding Kacey, Lexie said the one thing she regrets is talking so much about her.
"It seems as if I was obsessed with her, and I'm not," she said. "I'm apathetic towards her, I don't care, I don't get it. I don't know why she's still there."
Lexie said one of the most interesting things about her experience was being able to learn about the industry, both modeling and reality TV.
"I learned a lot about myself, like where my limits are," she said. "I've never lived in a house with 14 girls with strong personalities. I went from being someone whose life was drama-free to someone who gets in fights.
"It's not really me, so I was surprised that I was portrayed that way."
She said she was proud of herself at the good fortune to have been on the show.
"I don't regret anything. I'm happy I was a part of it, and I'm very grateful," she said. "I realize how many people would kill to be in my position.
"I think back on all the thousands of people who auditioned and then I was one of the 14 in the house."
So, does she hear from Tyra Banks, the show's host?
"Oh, yeah, Tyra and I talk all the time," she joked. "I Tweet at her sometimes and she never Tweets back, so thank you, Tyra!"
Lexie said she planned to hit the pavement this week "agency shopping" in Chicago. She said she plans to stay here for at least a year and then see where things go.

Here is what Lexie had to say in her home town paper
"I totally saw it coming. It wasn't undeserved."
That's what Lexie Tomchek had to say after she was eliminated from competition in Week 5 of America's Next Top Model which aired last Wednesday. The Top Model hopefuls have been coached, received makeovers, and been photographed by some of the industry's most prestigious photographers in some of the most unusual settings—on a beach suspended in the air wearing bird costumes; on a moving conveyor belt while trying to strut, but mostly stumbling; and in a wrestling ring with masked hunky wrestlers playing a dominatrix, among a few other things.
But while the wild ride on reality TV is over, Lexie is looking forward to starting her career as a model. And she might just have a slight edge with a portfolio filled with professional photos from her TV days.
So, did she think she'd get this far along in the competition?
"I think once I got through casting week and into the house, everyone gets into the mindset that, wow, I can really win this thing," she said. "You kinda convince yourself that you're going to win."
She admits she had hoped to get a bit further on the show than she did, but said she's not disappointed.
"I think I made my mark," she said. "I'm happy with that."
Lexie showed a little moxie by getting into arguments with her nemesis Kacey, who remains in the competition, and by pulling a prank on the group by planting a note with silly makeovers for the girls as if that's what the show had planned.
But she said was happy with the way she came across, since some of the girls get little air time.
"I like the way I was edited and shown," Lexie said. "Pretty memorable, which was nice. It's better than going through the whole experience and never seeing yourself."
Regarding Kacey, Lexie said the one thing she regrets is talking so much about her.
"It seems as if I was obsessed with her, and I'm not," she said. "I'm apathetic towards her, I don't care, I don't get it. I don't know why she's still there."
Lexie said one of the most interesting things about her experience was being able to learn about the industry, both modeling and reality TV.
"I learned a lot about myself, like where my limits are," she said. "I've never lived in a house with 14 girls with strong personalities. I went from being someone whose life was drama-free to someone who gets in fights.
"It's not really me, so I was surprised that I was portrayed that way."
She said she was proud of herself at the good fortune to have been on the show.
"I don't regret anything. I'm happy I was a part of it, and I'm very grateful," she said. "I realize how many people would kill to be in my position.
"I think back on all the thousands of people who auditioned and then I was one of the 14 in the house."
So, does she hear from Tyra Banks, the show's host?
"Oh, yeah, Tyra and I talk all the time," she joked. "I Tweet at her sometimes and she never Tweets back, so thank you, Tyra!"
Lexie said she planned to hit the pavement this week "agency shopping" in Chicago. She said she plans to stay here for at least a year and then see where things go.

Here is what Lexie had to say in her home town paper

"I totally saw it coming. It wasn't undeserved."
That's what Lexie Tomchek had to say after she was eliminated from competition in Week 5 of America's Next Top Model which aired last Wednesday. The Top Model hopefuls have been coached, received makeovers, and been photographed by some of the industry's most prestigious photographers in some of the most unusual settings—on a beach suspended in the air wearing bird costumes; on a moving conveyor belt while trying to strut, but mostly stumbling; and in a wrestling ring with masked hunky wrestlers playing a dominatrix, among a few other things.
But while the wild ride on reality TV is over, Lexie is looking forward to starting her career as a model. And she might just have a slight edge with a portfolio filled with professional photos from her TV days.
So, did she think she'd get this far along in the competition?
"I think once I got through casting week and into the house, everyone gets into the mindset that, wow, I can really win this thing," she said. "You kinda convince yourself that you're going to win."
She admits she had hoped to get a bit further on the show than she did, but said she's not disappointed.
"I think I made my mark," she said. "I'm happy with that."
Lexie showed a little moxie by getting into arguments with her nemesis Kacey, who remains in the competition, and by pulling a prank on the group by planting a note with silly makeovers for the girls as if that's what the show had planned.
But she said was happy with the way she came across, since some of the girls get little air time.
"I like the way I was edited and shown," Lexie said. "Pretty memorable, which was nice. It's better than going through the whole experience and never seeing yourself."
Regarding Kacey, Lexie said the one thing she regrets is talking so much about her.
"It seems as if I was obsessed with her, and I'm not," she said. "I'm apathetic towards her, I don't care, I don't get it. I don't know why she's still there."
Lexie said one of the most interesting things about her experience was being able to learn about the industry, both modeling and reality TV.
"I learned a lot about myself, like where my limits are," she said. "I've never lived in a house with 14 girls with strong personalities. I went from being someone whose life was drama-free to someone who gets in fights.
"It's not really me, so I was surprised that I was portrayed that way."
She said she was proud of herself at the good fortune to have been on the show.
"I don't regret anything. I'm happy I was a part of it, and I'm very grateful," she said. "I realize how many people would kill to be in my position.
"I think back on all the thousands of people who auditioned and then I was one of the 14 in the house."
So, does she hear from Tyra Banks, the show's host?
"Oh, yeah, Tyra and I talk all the time," she joked. "I Tweet at her sometimes and she never Tweets back, so thank you, Tyra!"
Lexie said she planned to hit the pavement this week "agency shopping" in Chicago. She said she plans to stay here for at least a year and then see where things go.